R.I.P. Golden Tea House

This is the old Golden Tea House. They say the ghost of Perry Shall still roams the halls, that you can still hear the whine of singer/songwriter Alex G in each squeak of the floorboards. It's an empty vessel, a fine structure devoid of life, but it wasn't always this way. This house was once a monument to the DIY scene of Philadelphia. It was home to countless bands and humans of all ages, colors, and creeds for a fleeting moment, but in that moment the whole experience was so big and so beautiful that it became everything. It was a house that hadn't booked a good show since Mean Jeans played 3 years ago, when (some of us) were still young enough to think Mean Jeans was cool. It was a house that was often barely worth peering into even if you trespassed through the shitty makeshift wall atop the mud-hill in the backyard on which everyone would urinate. It was a house that was, at times, impossible to stomach if you still had a pulse. By a large margin, I've seen more people reading books at Golden Tea House shows than at any other venue, and I think that speaks volumes on the level of interest held here. I'd rather be in Meryton.

R.I.P.

ROCK n ROLL RYAN's REAR-END RECORD ROUNDUP 2014

There are so very many great and fresh new punk bands, which made choosing just 10 records for the "best of 2014" was no easy task. Here is my humble attempt at ranking these modern rock contemporaries.

10. Urinals - Negative Capability
This is a great record. My only complaint is
that, with 2 solid slabs of wax, this one drags a bit. If you don't mind digging, though, you'll find some solid pop tunes on here. This bad boy clocked in at #10 because I already wrote the first two sentences before I realized it was released in 2013.

9. La Peste - Better Off Dead
In 30+ years we've accrued more Ramones imitators than anyone ever asked for, but these guys kick the classic sound up a notch with a little tough guy attitude. Definitely big fans of the Spits.








8. Pagans - What's This Shit?
What's this shit? Only some of the rawest garage punk of the millennium. A+

7. Die Kreuzen - Cows And Beer
This is a real ripper. Appropriately titled- music this raucous, loud, and angry is clearly the product of some acute teenage ennui typical of the midwest.

6. The Shivvers - S/T
 In 2013 girls won punk, and in 2014, they rebuilt it in their glorious image. This record is balls-to-the-walls, girls-to-the-front, rock-to-the-roll. Words aren't enough!!

5. Electric Eels - Jaguar Ride
Somewhere in the furor of the shit-fi junk punk releases of late, lost in a sea of scuzz, this record lie afloat like a much needed life-raft. These guys have so much more substance than any lo-fi band of the 2000s. Can't wait to hear more from these guys.

2. Circle Jerks - Wild In The Streets
If you're anything like me, sometimes you just need to scream. That's what this record is- one big "SCREAM". Even with the knobs turned down low, these guys jump right out of the speakers for a full-on assault of your eardrums.


1. Oasis - Definitely Maybe
Listen to Wonderwall and tell me you don't feel a bead of cloudy white cum welling on your rigid, unyielding member, you sick fucking freak.